EMDR: From a Therapist’s Personal Experience

EMDRTrauma Therapy

Mar 11

This post is for those that want to know more about EMDR and what it looks like in a therapy session (including virtual).

Preparing for EMDR Processing

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) may be something you have heard about but are not exactly sure what it is. Same for me 4 years ago (2018). As a trauma therapist, I kept hearing about this form of trauma therapy. I was even highly encouraged to get trained in it for my clients. I have received therapy before (and benefited) but I wasn’t sure about EMDR.

I am the kind of therapist that does not want to give my clients therapy that I do not believe in and have experienced myself. After 2 years of constantly being told about this therapy, I decided to see what it was all about firsthand. I got recommended an EMDR-certified therapist and began seeing her for my childhood trauma. I remember sitting on her couch and she explained to me:

“Often, when something traumatic happens, it seems to get locked in the brain with the original picture, sounds, thoughts, feelings, and so on. Since the experience is locked there, it continues to be triggered whenever a reminder comes up. It can be the basis for a lot of discomforts and sometimes a lot of negative emotions, such as fear and helplessness, that we can’t seem to control. These are really the emotions connected with the old experience that are being triggered.

“The eye movements we use in EMDR seem to unlock the system and allow your brain to process the experience. That may be what is happening in REM (or rapid eye movement sleep), when our most intense dreaming takes place: The eye movements appear to be involved during the processing of unconscious material.

“The important thing to remember is that it is your own brain that will be doing the healing and that you are the one in control.”

Francine Shapiro

My response was, “Ok, that kinda makes sense” but honestly I was still confused by what it looks like in therapy.

She did a few assessments on me for symptom tracking and we began making a list of traumas that I wanted to process. She had me rate them with how distressing those memories were to me now (at that moment in the therapy session). These are things that can be explored in the session if you are not sure yet.

In our next session, we first did an EMDR exercise that was prep for trauma processing. We created my “peaceful-comforting place.” She had me describe a place (real or imagined) that made me feel calm. She used this description to guide me through this place. It was a nice and calming exercise. I still “go to” this place especially when I have trouble calming my mind before bed. There were other exercises that we did throughout my therapy with her that helped keep me from being overwhelmed and another that helped release physical trauma symptoms.

EMDR Trauma Processing:

After completing these, I was like “this is nice but I am ready to move on to the trauma processing.” In our next session, we agreed on the first item I wanted to process. We agreed to pick one that was the least distressing for the first time so I did get too overwhelmed doing EMDR processing. NOTE: As I describe my experience with this part, I will be changing my trauma to a car accident because what I processed was very personal.

Trauma processing was also very structured but more flexible at the same time. We agreed that I would process the car accident that I had in college.

My therapist asked me to identify an image that represented the worst part of the car accident, feelings, negative beliefs about myself or the world (she would help me if I had trouble), and physical sensations that came up. None of these were things that I needed to know before starting therapy. She explored them with me. She also asked me what I wanted to believe about myself/the world instead of the negative one. We rated all of these on scales to track the level of disturbance and level of belief.

Once we had these all established, she reminded me that I was in control and we could stop at any time if it was getting too distressing. Then she asked me to try to hold the image, feelings, body sensations, and negative beliefs in my mind and just notice what came up, like when you are driving in the passenger seat and looking out the side window and watching the trees, buildings, and such pass by. While I did this she turned the tappers on.

The tappers were these two little pods that I held in each hand that was connected to a small box with 3 little knobs. When she turned them on, they gently vibrated in alternating hands. She could control the intensity and speed to meet my comfort levels. We used these instead of eye movements because it's about activating both brain hemispheres to help disrupt the trauma loop.

After about a minute she would turn the tappers off and check in with me and what came up. Sometimes the image changed, the emotions got bigger/smaller, or I felt pressure in my chest. There were even times when things popped up that seemed unrelated. My therapist explained that my brain had connected it in some way to what we were working on.

We kept up the pattern of “noticing what came up” and her checking in with me until the distress levels lowered. I didn’t know until later (when I got trained) that she is doing a lot of assessing to understand where you are at in the processing.

Once my disturbance of the trauma was reduced. Then we worked on the positive belief I wanted (e.g. “I am safe now”) and any leftover physical discomfort. After it was all completed, she told me my brain was going to keep processing it all for up to 72hrs. I might be more tired and have more vivid dreams.

When I tell you that this worked. It worked. The memories weren’t gone. It was more like looking at a black & white photograph instead of it feeling like I was the lead in a movie.

Then…COVID hit and we went to teletherapy. This really threw me off because I wasn’t sure that EMDR could be done virtually but I agreed to give it a shot. I am so glad that I did.

Honestly, it wasn't much different than in person, but I got to be in my comfy bed and she guided my eyes with her fingers on the screen instead of using the tappers. It worked really well for me. I kept seeing her and processed everything that was on that list. I have gotten over things that I never thought I would. I suffered from chronic tension headaches that turned into migraines, and now I don’t anymore. It was stored trauma in my body.

Rediscovering myself free from trauma:

That wasn't the end of my therapy. I was once “motivated by anxiety” and had to learn how to be motivated in other ways. I also had to learn better self-care practices to maintain the progress I had made. But these skills were so much easier to apply and maintain without all of those trauma symptoms. I also learned what “personality traits” are lovable, quirky Beth and which ones were actually trauma responses.

I am sure this is not the end of my personal therapy journey. I know that if a new something occurs or I become self-aware about something that I need to process, my therapist is always there.

After a year of EMDR as the client, I went on to get trained in it. I thought that EMDR was so simple but it's more complicated than I thought (on the therapist’s side). I understand now why there is extra training needed before applying it to clients.

What does virtual EDMR therapy look like to me?

In our virtual telehealth session, I send my clients a link that makes a dot show on their screen. I have the dot go back and forth during the session (see image below). This link also can have the client hear back-and-forth sounds through their headphones (in both ears). I prefer using sound so that my clients can close their eyes (if they wish) and prevent headaches from staring at the screen.

Still, want more information on EMDR? Check out this handout that talks a little bit more about trauma, the brain, and EMDR. This is the link to EMDRIA - the professional website for EMDR-trained professionals. You can also reach out to me with any questions you may have.